Friday, January 13, 2012

Our Love Story Pt 4

One of my readers was asking to hear more on the subject of courtship. I will write about it at the end of this post.

Now onto part 4.. The engagement ~

Every night throughout September and October was spent with Joey. Eating my mom's wonderful meals (incidentally, her recipes are so awesome that she started a blog -, watching movies, long night discussions.. Just getting to know each other better.  The more time we spent together, the more we knew that there was no way we could wait for 3 or 4 years ;) Joey would tease me and say that we should just go elope. I would remind him that he was the one who said 3 or 4 years.. At that point, we were planning a wedding. I had gone out with my mom to look at engagement rings. When I finally found the one I wanted, we went back to the store with my dad and Joey. I showed him a case of rings and asked him to choose the one that he thought I liked best. He got it right.

the ring

He picked up the ring later on. It was the end of October going into November. I knew that he had the ring, I just didn't know when he was planning to propose. It was a cold, rainy day on November 4th. I had walked over to the neighbor's house to borrow something. When I walked back through the door, Joey looked at me with a smile and said "come with me". We went upstairs. He handed me a large gift. I kind of had a hunch and asked if it was a deceiving gift.. I opened the package and inside of it was another wrapped package, a little smaller than the first. I opened that package and again a smaller package inside. This continued for about 3-4 more packages until I reached the last one. It was a wrapped ring box. He took it from me, got down on one knee, told me he loved me and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes! We later learned that my great grandfather had proposed to my great grandmother in the same exact way!

Minutes after the proposal.

I used this photo as a reference to draw our wedding invitation.

We were planning our wedding for either April or August. We initially went with August, but my mom suggested going with April. I asked her if we could plan a wedding in just 5 months? She said of course. She was my official wedding planner and helped me with everything. We found a church and called to see what days they had available for April. Only one- April 9th. We booked it. April 9th is also my grandparents anniversary. We share a special day with them :) We started pre-marital counseling in December with our pastor, Mike Bullmore. Those next 5 months were busy days..

I'll post about the wedding planning/wedding in the next post. Now onto more about courtship ~

Here is an excerpt from an article by Tom Brown.

"Joshua Harris wrote a book with a provocative title, "I’ve kissed dating goodbye." You need to kiss dating goodbye. I believe that dating is the world’s way to find a spouse. Many might be wondering, If I don’t date, how am I going to find a spouse?

You should find a spouse through courting. Courtship is more of a scriptural way to meet a prospective spouse than dating. What is the difference between dating and courting? Let me say first of all: Don’t get hung up on terms. It is possible to use the word date but not necessarily have the same understanding as my definition. I am giving you my definition of dating. If you say you date but don’t do what I define dating as being, then I feel you are practicing courting, although you might still use the term dating.

My definition of dating is that it is a modern game where intimacy is practiced before commitment. It often involves romantic talk, holding hands, kissing, making out, and oftentimes sex. Commitment never proceeds intimacy. The word date comes from the word mate. It doesn’t sound good to tell someone you are mating with Mr. X. You prefer to use the word dating. It sounds so much better, but in reality, dating and mating are sometimes the same. I looked up the word date in my encyclopedia and it said, "see Sex and Teenage." Even my encyclopedia agrees with my definition.

Courtship is the time-honored and successful practice of learning about someone enough to know whether or not the two is compatible for marriage. It often involves friendship, discussing each individual’s future plans, knowing the parents if they’re alive, and praying privately for God’s will in the matter. After deciding it is God’s will to get married, the couple prays together and then go to their parents to seek their blessings and finally to the pastor to seek his approval. After engaged the couple still avoids intimacy until marriage. Commitment comes before intimacy."

My parents have always been a big part of my life. My dad was my protector and provider up until he handed me over at the altar. We had boundaries in our courtship, and my parents were there to make sure that we stayed within those boundaries. They were never controlling. They gave us space and allowed us to be alone at certain times because they trusted us. 

Both of my parents dated when they were growing up. They didn't know any other way to do it. They also witnessed friends dating and breaking up. They saw the hurts, broken hearts and disappointments in dating. So when we were young and they learned about courtship, they advised us to do it that way as opposed to dating. They told us that they had wished that their first kiss would have been on their wedding day. Now, I'm not saying that kissing before you are married is wrong, it just makes things harder.. and if you are dating around, you have probably kissed quite a few people. Joey and I saved our first kiss for the wedding day. It was hard, but I wanted it to be a testimony of God's goodness. I had waited for my husband and I was pure at that altar.

Some people aren't as blessed. Their parents may not be involved in their lives as mine are, but they can still practice courtship. They can still set boundaries and stick to them. They can also seek guidance and advice from married couples that they know and trust.

There is so much to be said about courtship.. I've read quite a few books on the subject. Here are a few of my favorites-

1. Emotional Purity by Heather Patenaude (this is for the girls)

2. Preparing to be His Helpmeet by Debbie Pearl (also for the girls)

3. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (I don't know that I've read this one, but I've heard good things about it)

You can also google "courtship" to look for some articles or extra resources. 

I hope this helps to give you a closer look at courtship. Let me know if you have any questions.


  1. wow! Thanks for taking the time out to post about courtship. Isn't blogging so much fun :) Very interesting, and you are a talented writer.